what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
