census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
