Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
