so that wasnt chicken after all
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
