1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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