i just google imaged poop.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
