I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
