If i come over, it means nothing
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i think im in europe. pls send help
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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