i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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