you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize