I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
