I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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