thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
