I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
