So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
