he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
