I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
