i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
