I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
