You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
