i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
