Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
