I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
