I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You made out with two different species that night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
