if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize