Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
