You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
