so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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