if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
