Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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