o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
