I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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