Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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