Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Farmville is her only friend.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
