nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
