32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
