There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
