"it" just moved
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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