She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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