I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
