you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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