Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
