One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
a search helicopter?!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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