omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk is not a location!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
