No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
