I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
