This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
