dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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