three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
