Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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