I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize