I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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