last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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