she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
