all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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