am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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