before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
