I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
