so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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