Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
