At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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