thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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