Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
