I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
