She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
