And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
