Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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