Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
