honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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