biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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