I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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